April is National Healthcare Decisions Month, a time to pause and think about something many of us prefer to avoid: planning for the medical care we’d want if we couldn’t speak for ourselves. It’s not the easiest conversation to start, but it’s one of the kindest gifts we can give to our loved ones—and to ourselves.
Too often, families find themselves in a hospital waiting room, struggling to guess what Mom or Dad “would have wanted.” It’s a painful situation that can cause unnecessary stress and even conflict. Fortunately, there’s a simple way to prevent that uncertainty: choose a health care proxy and complete the appropriate advance care planning documents while you’re healthy and able to decide for yourself.
A health care proxy—sometimes called a durable power of attorney for health care—is a person you trust to make medical decisions on your behalf if you become unable to communicate. This person doesn’t make decisions for you now; they step in only if you’re incapacitated, whether due to illness, surgery, or an emergency.
Your proxy can be a spouse, partner, adult child, relative, or close friend—anyone who understands your values and wishes. The most important qualities are trustworthiness, calm judgment, and a willingness to speak up on your behalf.
Think about someone who will listen to your doctors carefully, ask questions, and make choices that reflect your beliefs, not their own. It’s wise to talk with your chosen proxy in advance—discuss what quality of life means to you, how you feel about life-sustaining treatment, and what kinds of comfort measures you’d want if recovery isn’t likely.
Naming a proxy and completing your paperwork doesn’t take away your independence; it protects it. By writing down your preferences, you keep control over your care—even in situations where you can’t speak. Without documents like these, decisions often fall to whoever is available, which may not reflect your wishes.
Healthcare providers appreciate when patients have clear directions. It ensures that your care team, family, and loved ones are all on the same page. It can also help prevent unwanted interventions or hospitalizations, saving time, money, and anguish.
For older adults—especially those living with chronic conditions—it’s a practical step forward. Advance care planning is not just about end-of-life scenarios; it’s about ensuring that if you’re suddenly unable to communicate, your health choices remain respected.
Each state has its own forms, but typically you’ll complete two types of documents:
Health Care Proxy (or Health Care Power of Attorney): Names your proxy and gives them the authority to make decisions for you if necessary.
Advance Directive or Living Will: Describes your specific wishes about life support, resuscitation, artificial nutrition, pain management, and organ donation.
In Massachusetts, for example, the Health Care Proxy form is available for free from the Executive Office of Health and Human Services. Many hospitals, senior centers, and aging service agencies provide copies as well. The website https://www.honoringchoicesmass.com/ provides a thorough look at the importance of planning in advance and steps to take. There’s no cost and no lawyer required—just two adult witnesses to your signature.
Once you’ve completed your forms, keep a copy in an easy-to-find place and share copies with your proxy, primary care provider, close family members, and anyone involved in your care. Some people keep a card in their wallet noting, “I have a health care proxy on file,” with their proxy’s contact information.
Talking about health care decisions can feel uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to be morbid or depressing. Try framing it as an act of love and clarity. You might say, “I want to make things easier for you if something ever happens,” or “I’ve seen how hard these moments can be for families, and I want to make sure you know what matters most to me.”
You don’t have to do everything in one sitting. Start with small steps: pick your proxy, fill out the form, and revisit your choices over time. Our values can evolve as we age, and so can our health priorities.
Healthcare Decisions Month is about empowerment. It’s about taking control of your well-being and lifting a burden from those you love. Once your choices are written down, you’ll have the peace of mind that your voice will always be heard—even when you can’t speak for yourself.